I know I haven't written in a while but a lot of things have been going on in my life. Today I am not writing about something that aggravates me, I will be writing about my current life and struggles.
Has something ever happened to you and people tell you, you are going to be a stronger person from it? What does that mean? Does it mean that I was weak before, I couldn’t handle what life through at me and now I will? What if I become a stronger person from this but me weak about other things? Does that mean that I didn’t grow from that experience?
On March 20, 2009 Oscar Nathan Hernandez Jr. died. He was my ex-boyfriend of about a year. He was the first guy I ever fell in love with and I still am in love with him. Everyday people come up to me asking how I am doing and telling me that everything will be okay. I will learn to cope and when I do I will become stronger. I put on a mask everyday to try and hide what I'm feeling. I don’t want pity because it would take all of the focus off Oscar. I have never felt more alone, secluded, and completely destroyed in my life. When I found out it was the world had no air and no matter how much I tried to catch my breath I never could. Jordan Sparks No Air lyrics say:
But how do you expect me
To live alone with just me
'Cause my world revolves around you
It's so hard for me to breathe
Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air
Can't live, can't breathe with no air
It's how I feel whenever you ain't there
It's no air, no air
I always thought this was a good song but I never fully understood it until he was gone. Everyday I find it hard just to wake up and go to school. Everything I see, and every song I hear reminds me of him in some way. I wish I could have one more day, one more kiss, just to tell him that I love him. But I can’t so I must love with all of my heart and live like I know he would want me to be. I can't
help but wait until I'm with him again.
